Sometimes you give it all..your heart, soul, your thoughts, everything. You don’t even know whether you want it or not. But you know that you have to achieve something with it. That something is obviously beating your fears, laziness and exploring that which you have never done and never thought that you could possibly do.
In my case, what I wanted was something whcih comes naturally to many people in Law School. Doing just about decently. I just had to overcome that something in me which always holds me back from doing something that I really really want to do. Yes, something always holds me back.
But not this time, my friend was the support, or lets say the inspiration and worth emulating.
But still it wasn’t good enough. I really really know how failure looks like. This is the real failure. Not doing anything and failing is the obvious consequence. Not this. This fear of failure is what always holds me back. It is hard. Because it is now that you feel inadequate. Knowing that you couldn’t have done any better and that still you can’t make the cut.
As I said, it is a new feeling for me. Not that I’ve never failed before but I’ve never worked hard before. But thankfully, amid all the disappointment, my sanity and my rational side are fighting back (actually I just discovered they were there!).
It’s just hope that’s going to keep you alive. Hope that Nadal doesn’t face you in any other Grand Slam final.
Hope that even if Nadal is there, you can still be No. 1. That is what holds me now. If later, I fail again then I’m going to come back and say “it doesn’t really matter”.
Nothing ever does.