Something that had to be..

This is an uncomfortable place to be in. Everywhere you look you see people who seem sure of themselves, knowing what they want of life and most of all getting what they want. And here I am each day thinking of new stuff I woluld want to do but in the end my courage or will holding me, settling for a lesser job, instantly gratifying but troubling me at night that why, oh why can’t I stand up and talk??

The comparisions with the seniors and batch- mates doesn’t help- I feel they never do. Seniors, I can look up to them and feel this is how I would I want to be but looking at some of the batchmates makes me realize that this is how true achievers are, and till the time there is this unexplained thing holding me back I would forever be in the clutches of mediocrity.

I do not know how law students are supposed to be, or is there any ideal type at all. But I know till the time I sit down and read, get up and do I would just be another student at Nalsar, got in by chance and when I get out, the only thing which will be to my credit will be that the place I was in made achievments and achievers possible.

And somehow till then I would still be thinking and brooding. I know tomorrow is another day but when today’s gone leaving you full of regrets and knowing that however much I try I would still be like this at the end of another day.

It had been like this, it is still like this and there’s this extremely strong instinct in me that’s saying that tomorrow’s again going to be like this.

My fears, insecurities and most of all laziness has bound me in this tight chain and I know I have to break free to escape a life full of ‘what ifs’ but I don’t know how to- it’s a vicious cycle. I’m caught. 

Hope has gotten me nowhere, jealousy is drowning me. I am nowhere.

I am nobody.

Now let me go and make food for appa…

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